Greetings from Miami

So it is 7.30 in the morning and I am standing in line waiting for the Apple Store Miami to open, hoping to get one of their - very few - new iPads (my only excuse being jet-lag, meaning I have been up since 5.00 am anyway, so I might as well be here). And of course, there are two Russians behind me and we get to talk about national queuing characteristics.

 This is a conversation I had recently with an Italian colleague in Moscow; he summed up Italian queuing as basically an intensive funneling effect. The British and the Americans queue - I think - in a similar way; relatively orderly lines but a lot of tutting and discussions based on what the queue is doing/who is pushing in/ why are we queuing anyway, Apple do this on purpose just to command product loyalty, etc.

Russian queues, from my experience, are more complicated, a kind of amalgam of both the above methods. People bunch up rather than form a line; yet there is a clear idea of order. People often ask who is the last in line, so they know who to follow. Which makes it particularly incomprehensible if you don't speak the language. 

Handy hints for travellers 18: walking the walk

The most common complaint about Moscow from my English and American visitors is that people here are incredibly rude in public, that they ignore you, and would walk into you if you didn't get out of the way. It's true that most people walk about fast and take no notice of others - they seem to set a direction and then just take it with no variation. This can include determined pushing in; particularly when crowds and queues are dense, for example, getting on the train or jostling to move onto an escalator.

I have been trying to make some sense of this - and its general juxtaposition in the tourist/travel literature with that 'other side' to the supposed enigma of the Russian soul; that indoors, in private, Russians are completely different, very nice people indeed, warm and welcoming (especially when they have got to know you).

Which leads me to suggest another way of looking at public walking, which might make English visitors feel a little less outraged. I am talking about body language - or more importantly - body space. It is without a doubt that most English-speaking people are much more friendly in public, taking notice, talking and generally acknowledging each other.  But, I suggest that these are the ways we are always subconsciously negotiating something else - a certain distance between each other. So, we move out of the way, or allow the other person to move. The truth is, we don't like too close to or touched, however accidently, by strangers.

My colleague L and I seemed to reach a similar conclusion about public behaviour here at about the same time, and for the same reason. I was walking with some Russian friends in the snow and someone I didn't know at all calmly took my arm in case I slipped. She was attempting to traverse an impossibly busy road and another man planning the same thing took her hand so they could cross together.  We were both shocked by being  touched by strangers, even though they were just helping. Yet such small gestures of public solidarity actually abound here. They just don't come with chat or acknowledgement. I have seen metro seats given up for older people on countless occasions - it is just that no one says anything or looks at each other during the process (which from an English point of view feels pretty weird).

Our conclusion then, was this. Moscow people are not being rude in public - certainly not consciously - they are just not policing the space around themselves with the same zeal we do. Both the need to maintain a protected personal body space seems less important, and the size of the zone itself definitely smaller. (My students tend to sit not just together but much closer, what to my eye seems like literally on top of each other). So they just walk a lot closer when they pass.

My handy hint for Moscow visitors is as follows. Attempt to feel less defensive about your own personal body space being invaded. And just set a direction and take a determined - unconcerned - walk with the rest of us.

Of course, I want to hear from any Russians who might well say the above just shows my complete misunderstanding of the unwritten Moscow rules of public behaviour .....

Handy hints for travellers 17: not the Bolshoi...

I may get myself into trouble here, especially because I have only been to one performance of the Bolshoi 'round the corner' from their base (too expensive, and the main building only just renovated);  and have come to an unsupported opinion that the shows at the Novaya Opera are too cheap and uneven (!) But, I would strongly recommend seeing the ballet or opera at the Stanislavsky and Nemirovich-Danchenko Musical Theatre as a key part of the Moscow traveller's experience.

Why you may ask? Well because the tickets are inexpensive (under 20 pounds/$30), the theatre is small but interesting, and the performances I have seen - Stone Flower and Madame Butterfly - have been very moving. Several important provisos here. I don't know much about music, ballet or opera. I saw Madame Butterfly sung in Italian with Russian surtitles so I did not understand a thing, And it has to be admitted that  the scenery had a miscellaneous quality, tending to wobble, whilst the staging asked some odd and distracting 'business' of the performers. But still I cried. Which has never happened before (to me) in an opera. Ever.

So that seems good enough reason for a recommendation.

handy hints for travellers 15: stay away from building edges!

The mild conditions have a regular result: snow melts during the day, freezes at night and is then covered with a fine layer of snow by morning - making completely lethal surfaces. And - equally dangerously - snow melting from roofs forms icicles which freeze, then melt again and crash to the ground.

One of my colleagues got hit by a falling icicle over the holidays, which broke her nose (this, she said mournfully happened immediately after her dog swallowed a toy and nearly died.) Still, she continued, at least it didn't fall on her head. Which is why random barriers appear on the street, and people tend to walk on the outside edges of pavements.

handy hints for travellers 14: being in hospital

Hope it doesn't happen to you; but here are my hints if you end up in a public hospital in Moscow. This, of course, is only my experience (and of one particular hospital and I think I was pretty lucky) so would appreciate any additional advice from others...

1. Bring your own cutlery - at the minimum a spoon. Most people had their own plates and cups also. Actually things seemed pretty clean, but I guess only 'washed up' rather than sterilised.

2. Food provided is low-level edible, but good to have extra supplies if possible. Otherwise there was always bread and a very weak, watery coffee available (see photo above).

3. Bring your own nightclothes and 'indoor slob' clothes (must be a better name, but I mean the relatively disreputable but very comfortable stuff most Russians - and me - wear indoors) .  I was stripped naked for surgery and felt quite lucky to be given a (temporary) nightgown when I woke up.

4. Remember your slippers - these are essential in any Russian indoor situation, but of course come into their own in hospital. One day I will get the etiquette of when to wear/when to remove, but not yet.

5. Expect few niceties. No curtains around bed, or privacy during examinations. Bed-sheets changed about once a week.

6. BRING YOUR OWN TOILET PAPER!

7. It is assumed you have family or friends who will help out, bring you treats etc. My surgeon asked crossly why my children were not there to help (though I don't see how that would have helped the language problem we were having at the time).

8. Valuables and clothes were 'signed in' before my operation; then taken to some distant and impregnable store. So don't do what I do. Keep your mobile phone and anything else you are going to need immediately after an operation with your clothes. It took me several days to find out how to collect my important stuff (permissions required and much signing of paperwork), that the store closes over the weekend and that I was required to stagger in my pyjamas across the whole hospital campus - a small town in its own right -  to personally collect them. I never again want to be stuck in hospital without a phone.

9. Most doctors and nurses will expect some form of tip, with varying degrees of effect on the quality of services provided. I have no idea about amounts, as this was done for me. It certainly relates to the fact that surgeons and doctors seem to be paid below the average wage for Moscow. I couldn't find accurate figures for 2010, but in 2008 doctors in polyclinics were getting 20,000 rubles a month (400 pounds or US$826).

10. The word больно (which I pronounce bolnoi) - meaning (it) hurts-  was very useful when I was prodded, along with saying OY, which is the Russian version of OUCH.

Handy hints 13: a tipping matter

One of the complaints that often does the rounds amongst expats in Moscow is that in up-market restaurants the waiter/waitress often fails to return with change after the bill has been paid, even if the amount remaining is much larger than a regular tip. This is the cause of much grumbling.

Funny that it should be in London that I finally 'get' what is happening in this situation - and again with much appreciation to V + K (saying hello above). The thing is, if you say thank you as you hand the bill over, this means that the transaction is completed, so the money is theirs. And since English people say thank you on every possible occasion - well you get the picture.

So to be completely clear; when you pay the bill in a Moscow restaurant, say nothing and preferably do not even look the waiter in the eye. This is not impolite as it would be in England, just normal.

handy hints for travellers 12: the little things

Found out something very useful today (which makes me realise just what a newbie I still am to Russia). I have noticed that men shake hands a lot; but when I am in a group, often as the only female, I am never included. It is those very ordinary everyday habits that confuse - I couldn't work out what the etiquette is. Do women not shake hands? When do I do the hug thing, or the cheek kissing business (if ever)? With whom is what the norm?

Well, it turns out, according to one of my older Russian colleagues, that a man will never shake hands with 'a lady', unless she puts her hand out first, in which case he will be very glad to shake it. So now I can join in with all the everyday male handshaking. But I forgot to ask him what the deal is when I meet another female stranger/acquaintance/friend. I haven't noticed women shaking hands very much.... so I need more advice here. What kind of greeting(s) should I do in this case?

Oh, and I should mention that the photograph was taken this weekend at my local park which fills up with older people on a Sunday afternoon who, I understand, then dance the tango.

Typically for me, I witnessed the beginning - which seems to involve many stand-up group picnics and some serious drinking - but, as usual, missed the main event, i.e. the dancing.

Handy hints for travellers 10: just don't!

Okay, probably a mistake but in my ongoing intention to eat new things, I bought caviar-flavoured crisps. And I wish I hadn't. You should only do this if you really really like prawn cocktail crisps and would like at least twice the intensity of taste.

Handy hints for travelers 9: Don't drink the water!

A visitor asked me recently if it was okay to drink the tap water here. Illustrated is the bowl in which I - being typically English - put water on my radiators to try and cool/humidify the dry, hot interior air created by Moscow's unturnable-off district heating system. Look and learn. Do not drink the water!

Handy hints for travelers 8: take the boat trip!

We did our Christmas dinner aboard a special ice-breaking tourist river boat, the first one working of the 5 recently bought by Radisson as part of their renovation of the Hotel Ukraine (another of the Stalinist skyscrapers.) Although the ice was mainly in thin floes, there was still enough to give an occasional satisfyingly eerie screech against the hull, and nothing beats seeing a city after dark from the water. The trip included dinner and cost 1,500 roubles a head (including food but not drinks). Brilliant.

Handy hints for travelers 7: don't bother with sweaters!

It feels counterintuitive - at least for the Brits - but there is one layer of clothing that you really don't need to pack for a Moscow winter, and that is a thick sweater/jumper/cardigan. When you go out you will want to throw on a jacket, thick coat, gloves, hat, scarf and warm boots. But inside, with central heating everywhere at full blast, you will find yourself in shirtsleeves. 

So, my advice is  - forego the sweaters and make room for something else (whatever that is!).

Handy hints for travelers 6: toilets

Moscow is very well supplied with public toilets; most metro stations have ranks of prefab units outside, which cost 20 or 25 rubles. These are basic, but perfectly clean. What I like most is the way the attendants customise one of the cubicles as a 'little home' to sit in.

As most travel guides point out, there are almost no facilities for disabled people here, but there are now a couple of prefab disabled toilets near Red Square - which of course are the ones taken over by the attendant, since the space is bigger.

I was told by a colleague that these disabled facilities (and the quite absent-minded and random addition of yellow painted 'pimple' paving at some junctions) are the response to a campaign by writers and artists for the rights of disabled people, but have not been able to find out anything else - can anyone add some light on this?

Handy Hints for travellers 4: Cures for a cold?

Been off work for a week with a head cold, which is expected I think, as I work my way through the Russian virus variations. Everyone thinks of this as the cold and flu season; actually of many illnesses - the people I work with consider that Russians are a sickly lot. This is not just with the flu/грипп (gripp), or headcold/насморк (nasmork) or chill/простуда(prostida) but also with all sorts of minor headaches and tiredness; unusually put down to barometric pressure or electro-magnetic forces.

As to remedies - well I used vitamin C, but the main recommendation was a product based on (so I was told) chicken blood called оциллококцинум. Yes, I know, and I haven't tried it. Well, not yet.

Handy hints for travelers 3: metro again

The metro is confusing for a couple of reasons. First, at interchanges, the stop will have different name for each line - and are often quite a walk apart. The lines are coloured, and this colour (almost always) appears in the signs, telling you which way to go. The second difficulty is that metro stations can often be huge underground warrens, both where different lines connect, and in the many entrance/вход and exit/в’ыход points. Look for the sign that says exit to town/город.

Shown is a typical metro sign, to be seen on most platforms. These are actually really clear. The horizontal top line lists all the stations on the line you are on in order and direction. The vertical 'drop-down menus' beneath each station title give the name(s) of the line and the stations that are linked from it (including, first, the name of the linked station of there is one.)

Simple.

Handy hints for travelers 2: metro

The other thing that everyone said before I got here is that you need to count your stops on the metro, because there are very few signs on the platforms and the announcements may be difficult to understand. What they didn’t say is that at each stop, the announcement tells you what the NEXT stop will be. This is helpful to indicate you are going in the right direction, but certainly confusing for a Londoner where the tube system tells you which stop you have arrived AT.

(Actually, now I ave been back in London for a few days I notice that they also announce the next stop on the tube; something I have clearly never noticed before!)

Handy hints for travelers 1: alphabet

Everyone I talked to before I got here says that the most important thing is to learn the Cyrillic alphabet. They are right. Russian letters are phonetic and only pronounced one way (unlike English) so it is pretty simple. Feel a real fool though, as I painstaking spell out each word, especially as they are often very like the English or French equivalent, for example, стоп stop and старт start.